Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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