you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
