She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
