dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
