i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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