Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
