Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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