You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
