Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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