All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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