I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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