I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
