i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
