...so i touched it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
