Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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