I puked a lego.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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