I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
