I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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