you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
