So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
