Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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