i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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