we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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