Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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