you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
