My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
