i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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