so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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