yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize