drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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