if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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