I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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