Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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