I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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