We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
