I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so much tequila, so little girl.
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