I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize