Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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