oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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