I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
