i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
