My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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