Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
