so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
