i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
