I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He felt like a one man threesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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