So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
