I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
