just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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