I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
