hotel room ftw
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
