he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
