why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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