That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize