sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You pole danced in your parka.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
