D3 body, D1 cock
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
