Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
