dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So. Much. Porn.
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