I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
