i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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