That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
