I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
