If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize