I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
