Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
