I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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