I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
