it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
